Chapter 82

"She lost the baby." He repeated as he walked into Jon's room, not waiting for the invitation. He headed straight past the bathroom and sat down on the couch with a sigh.

Stunned, Jon closed the door before joining his friend on the couch.

"What happened?" He asked.
Richie shrugged. "I don't know. She just got her period."
"Just like that?"
"I guess."
"Is she okay?" Jon asked concerned.
He nodded solemnly. "Yeah, she just wanted to be alone for a little bit."
"I'm sorry man." Jon padded his shoulder, trying to be helpful.
He know not much would comfort him right now. "Me too." Richie sighed, then sniffed.

Jon got up and walked to the bathroom, only to return a moment later with a box of tissues that he offered to Richie.

He took the box, pulled a tissue out and blew his nose. He used another one to wipe his eyes dry, before they welled up again.

Richie leaned back on the couch, still holding the tissue box in his hands.

"What if it's my fault?"
Jon frowned at him, confused at that statement. "How would that be your fault?"
"I don't know." Richie sighed frustrated. "Maybe she was stressed and I should have been home to take care of her?"
"Don't think that way." Jon told him.
"With Daniel she was in the hospital twice."
Jon looked at him. "That doesn't mean anything. These things happen. It's not anybody's fault." He said sternly, hoping Richie would listen to him.
"I guess." He sighed again.
"No guessing." Jon stated. "Fact."

They sat in silence for a while, which was okay for Richie. He wasn't too sure of what to say anymore. The sad feeling he was feeling was starting to settle down into acceptance and understanding perhaps.

"What if-"
"No what ifs." Jon cut him off.
Richie rolled his eyes. "But what if-" Jon started staring at him disapprovingly. "it's going to be the same as after Ava?"
He had to think about that, he didn't have an answer for that either. "You got Daniel eventually."  Jon said hopeful. "And then..." He didn't finish the sentence, surely Richie knew what he meant.
"Yeah but I'm only getting older."
"So are the rest of us." Jon said, not understanding where Richie was going with that thought. "What?"
Richie sighed a little frustrated with where he had brought the conversation now. "Well, counts decline when you get older. Low counts already, getting even lower."
"Sperm counts?" Jon asked. Then he shook his head. "No, I doubt it. You got Daniel and you're healthier, doesn't that make a difference?"
"I think so."
"Well then?" Jon asked. "I'm sure there's meds for kind of stuff anyway."
Richie shrugged. He knew for sure there was, he just didn't want to have to take them.
"Have you even told Sarah about any of this?"
He shook his head. "No, I thought about it but then we got Daniel."
"If you're worried about it, maybe you should." Jon suggested carefully.
Richie shook his head again.

Why had he even brought this up, this wasn't something he wanted to talk about. Ever. The silence came back for a minute or two. At least that topic was ended.

"It doesn't mean anything, you know?" Jon said carefully, not sure where his comment would take them.
"Sure." Richie responded somber.
"It doesn't." Jon said again.
"Okay."
"Then stop thinking it." Jon argued. "Does a vasectomy make me less of a man?"
"No, 'cause that's a choice."
"And? Much more useless than a low count."
Richie shook his head. "Doesn't matter, that's the point of a vasectomy."
Jon sighed, knowing this was going nowhere. "Just stop blaming yourself for things that aren't your fault. If you're worried about it, you need to talk to Sarah so she knows what's going on with you. She's not going to think any differently of you and you know that." He said sternly.

He sighed as he thought it over. Jon was right. He knew that too. If he did decide to tell Sarah about his issue, she would still love him just as much. It wouldn't change anything. The odds of the universe were just against them in many aspects.

"You're right." He finally said.
Jon nodded. "Yeah, I know I am. We all know how much she loves you so go back to your room, make her a cup of tea and console your wife."
In return, Richie nodded his agreement. "You're right." He repeated as he got up, putting the tissue box on the coffee table.